The PK's of the Uncharted Territories

A filk based on Gilbert and Sullivan’s "The Pirates of Penzance" (the Joseph Papp presents Kevin Kline, Linda Ronstadt, George Rose, and Rex Smith version)
By: Lauren (OboeCrazy)
Contains Spoilers for the Premier, Nerve, Hidden Memory, and a few other small references.


ACT I

Scene 1: Aeryn Sun is aboard her Command Carrier having a raucous party with her fellow Pleisers. They are celebrating another successful mission.

(Song from Pour oh Pour the Pirate Sherry)

PKs:

Pour oh pour the fellip nectar!
Fill, oh fill the PK glass!
Let’s enjoy this moment better
for all to soon it shall pass!

Pleiser Commander:

For today we celebrate
another successful mission passed!
Higher does the Pleiser notch rate!
We’re strong and brave and also fast!

PKs:

Here’s to success, sweet indeed!
Let lower lifeforms all take heed!

P. Commander:

(Turning to Aeryn)
Aeryn Sun has made us all proud
and alone is fit to fly!
Which we’re bent on signalizing
with unusual revelry!
(Aeryn looks pleased and almost blushes)

PKs:

Here’s good luck to Aeryn’s ventures
while she serves PK indentures!
Pour or pour the fellip nectar
fill, oh fill the PK glass!
Let’s enjoy this moment better
for all to soon it shall pass!

Pleiser Commander:

Well Officer Sun, enjoying the party?

Aeryn:

Yes sir. Thank you for the compliment.

P. Commander:

You’re a good Officer. I’ve recommended you to the Captain for promotion!
You keep this up and you may one day command your own Carrier!

Aeryn:

Thank you sir!

(Meanwhile, the same night on a small blue-green planet called Earth, John Crichton is having his own small party with his friends the night before a big mission)

DK:

You’re a bit quiet, John. Anything wrong?

Crichton:

I’ve just got some nasty rattlers that won’t go away!

Jack Crichton:

It’s natural to be a bit on edge the night before a launch, son.

Crichton:

I know Dad, but it’s not like this is my first mission!

DK:

Cheer up John! Between my brains and your brawn what could go wrong?’

Crichton:

Hey, what about *my* brains?

DK:

OK, your brains and *my* brawn!

(song from When Frederik Was A Little Lad)

Jack Crichton:

When John was just a little kid
he proved so brave and quite smart
I knew right from his first birthday
the space program he’d take part.
I was quite proud, I must admit,
when in my footsteps he came!
And since that day of his first flight
my life has not been the same!
Though sometimes glad, he could make me mad
on some issues where we fought!
But in the end, he’s my son, my friend!
And one Hell of a fine astronaut!
(Crichton looks embarrassed)

DK:

We’ll be good friends from start to end
and even through disaster
I know that I can count on you
in crisis even faster!
So go and fly our craft so cool
and after time to space roam,
come back and party hardy
‘cause you made it safely back home!
And if you happen to run in to
some cute and buxom Space Chick...
then find out if she has a twin
and then come home doubly quick!
(They all share a good laugh and continue to party)

Scene 2: The next day Crichton blasts off, and once in space begins his test flight, but a wormhole opens up and sucks him into another part of the universe where he quickly collides with another ship that explodes. Crichton and Farscape 1 are brought aboard the living ship Moya along with Aeryn Sun, who’s Prowler was caught in the Starburst. In Command, Crichton is being introduced to the others on Moya

(song from Oh Better Far to Live and Die)

D’Argo:

Oh, I would rather fight and die
then let another arn go by
as a prisoner on this living ship!
Any escape I won’t let slip!

Rygel:

Without my you would not be freed!
Just remember that when I’m in need!
I’ll reclaim my throne and they’ll all sing:
All Hail Rygel! The Hynerian King!
For...I am a Hynerian King!

Everyone:

He says repeatedly he’s the king!

Rygel:

And it is, it is a glorious thing
to be a Hynerian King!

Everyone:

AGAIN?

Rygel:

I am a Hynerian King!

Everyone:

Shut up about being a King!

Rygel:

And you are all just jealous because
I’m a Hynerian King!

Zhaan:

A Delvian Priest is who I am
I’m a blue plant, my name is Zhaan.
I meditate and joined the Seek
and examined you, but did not peek!
(Crichton blushes)

Rygel:

When I return us too our homes
you’ll also help me claim my throne!
I’ll manage, somehow, to give you
more dirty work then ever I’ll do!
For I am a Hynerian King!

Everyone:

He bugs us all about being a King!

Rygel:

And it is it is a glorious thing
to be a Hynerian King!

Pilot:

I’m very happy to be freed,
I’m only here to serve your need.
I don’t yet know quite where we are
I can’t recognize any stars!
I’ll do my best to get you home,
as through uncharted lands we roam.

Rygel:

For situations I’ve been in worse,
but I insist I go home first!

Everyone:

RYGEL!

Rygel:

For I am a Hynerian King!

Everyone:

We could care less that you’re a King!

Rygel:

And you all should bow down before me
because I am a King!
For I am the Hynerian King!

Everyone:

As you keep repeating, you a King!

Rygel:

And it is it IS a glorious thing
to be a Hynerian King!

Scene 3: Moya and crew approach a commerce planet as Crichton and Aeryn introduce themselves in their cell. Given the first chance they get they escape, jump in Aeryn’s Prowler and head for the planet. They contact Captain Crais, who arrives just in time to stop D’Argo from recapturing them. When Crais tells Crichton that the human is responsible for his brothers death, and his revenge will be slow and painful, Aeryn speaks up to say she thinks the collision was an accident. Crais turns on her

(song from Oh False One! You Have Deceived Me!)

Crais:

Oh false one, you have deceived me!

Aeryn:

I have deceived you?

Crais:

Yes! Deceived me!
You told me you’re a loyal grunt!

Aeryn:

And Captain am I not, sir?

Crais:

And now you’ve fallen for this runt! (points to Crichton)

Aeryn:

I’m just telling the truth, sir!

Crais:

He killed my brother in his pod!

Aeryn:

An accident he claims, sir.

Crais:

I’ll face him front a firing squad!

Aeryn:

You judge to harshly please, sir.

Crais:

Contaminated, Officer Sun
I will pronounce you!

Aeryn:

Captain, listen! I am loyal!
Spare me what you do!

(Crais orders D’Argo, Aeryn and Crichton taken away, but Aeryn continues to plead their cases)

Aeryn:

My service record standing,
you’ve been more than demanding!
Take his lower life-form,
but I ask spare his life!
I only serve the PK’s,
please don’t make me go away!
I just tell the truth,
I just tell the truth!

Crichton:

Don’t think ill of Ms. Sun!
She spent little time with everyone!
Don’t punish her when it’s me
you’ve got your grudge to bear!

Aeryn:

Don’t, my harsh taskmaster,
crush me with disaster!
What is such a life-form
to the duty I have here?
My training and my life!
Don’t cut it down with your knife!
I just tell the truth!
I just tell the truth!

Crais:

As your harsh taskmaster,
I must respond to disaster!
You have been contaminated
by him it is clear!
You stand strong in my way
of revenge on his this day!
Your truth is not mine!
Your truth is not mine!

(Crais gets angry and finally orders the PK’s to take them away)

Crais:

Faithless PK to deceive me,
I who honored so!
Contaminated Officer Sun
to the Living Death you go!!

Scene 4: Aeryn, D’Argo and Crichton, captured by the PK’s, are checked over by some guards while Crichton ponders what to do

Crichton:

(recit.) What shall I do? If I go with these PK’s
all our lives are sure to be over!
No no! I must grab this guys little gun
and we can escape back to Moya!

(Crichton grabs the gun and holds off the PK’s with it while he argues with D’Argo and Aeryn)

Aeryn:

No, I won’t go with you!

D’Argo:

And I won’t take her. You are manageable, she is not!

Crichton:

I’m not leaving you here!

Aeryn:

I won’t go!

(song from Oh Is There Not One Maiden Breast)

Crichton:

Oh, is there not one being here
who doesn’t blindly follow duty?
(to Aeryn)
You will stay and then you will die!
And that idea just doesn’t suit me!
(to D’Argo)
You cannot give up on her life!
She can be such a help in our case.
So rescue such a pair as us,
your ill reaction of her has no base!

D’Argo:

If you insist we take her, then
I have no way to unpersuade you!

Aeryn:

It doesn’t matter in the least,
I will not be going with you!

Crichton:

(to Aeryn)
Oh, can’t you see beyond training
and beyond what the PK’s told you?
You’re life is worth much more than this.
Come with us is what you should now do!
If you should come, you will be free.
You’ll be surprised what life has in store!

Aeryn:

But it’s my training; life from birth!

Crichton:

I’m telling you that you can be more!
More than the PK’s say!
I’m telling you, you can be more
then whatever Captain Crais has said!

Scene 5: Aeryn finally agrees to go with Crichton, and D’Argo agrees to take both back to Moya. They land in the hanger and rush up to Command.

(song from Stay, We Must Not Loose our Senses)

Crichton:

Stay, we must not loose our senses!
PK’s who stick at no offenses
will, anon, be here!
They will shoot us with frag cannons!
This planet we should abandon
and get out of here!

Everyone:

Yes, we must not loose our senses!
Peacekeepers with much offenses
will real soon be here!
They will shoot us with frag cannons!
Quickly we should not abandon
and get out of...

(suddenly Crais’ Command Carrier appears in front of them!)

Moya’s Crew:

Too late! Too late!!

PKs:

Ha ha! Ha ha!
Here’s a first rate opportunity
to get promoted quickly!
We will capture the escapee’s
and return to our own territories!
We shall quickly return right home!
No more uncharted lands we’ll roam!
And then Crais will calm down quickly
so we can return to life quite simply!

Moya’s Crew:

We have missed our opportunity
of escaping with impunity!
So farewell to the felicity
of our freedom that was blessed be!
We shall quickly be recaptured,
ending our own rapture,
by Captain Crais, a meanie,
who is located in this vicinity!

Everyone:

By Captain Crais, a meanie!
He resides in this vicinity!
By the Captain Crais in the vicinity!
Such a meanie!!

Zhaan:

Hold, monsters!
Ere your Command Carrier proceed
against our will to imprison us all!
Just bear in mind that we won’t be going quietly,
and on board we have a Luxian General!

PKs:

We’d better pause, or danger may befall!
They have on board a Luxian General!

Moya’s Crew:

Yes yes he is a Luxian General!

D’Argo:

Yes yes I am a Luxian General!

(song from I Am the Very Model...)

D’Argo:

I am the very model of a
Luxian Major General
I’ve killed all being vegetable,
animal, and mineral
I know my lineage of the proud Luxians,
all historical
and fought in three battle campaigns
that should be quite rhetorical!
I’ve very well aquatinted, too,
with fighting styles numerous
and can tell jokes, the least of them
have proven to be humorous!
About my Qualta Blade I am quite
teeming with a lot of news!
Make fun of me and I’ll use it and then
your puny life you’ll loose!

Everyone:

Make fun of him and he’ll use it and then your puny life you’ll loose! (ect...)

D’Argo:

I’m very good at battle strategies
and other big campaigns,
so let me tell you something that is
true as long’s I’ve got free reign:
In short, when it comes down to fighting
and sending you back to Hell
I am the very model of a
Luxian Major General!

Everyone:

In short when it comes down to fighting and
sending us back to Hell
He is the very model of a
Luxian Major General!

D’Argo:

In fact, I’ve got a soft side too,
my wife and son are in my heart.
And I must remain free so
in my son’s life I can now take part!
While imprisoned for an awful crime
against my wife I didn’t commit!
I will take revenge on her murderer
and this task I won’t quit!
So do not mess with me, I will not
be a prisoner anymore!
And if you try to change that, your head
will be rolling on the floor.
In short, I will fight to the death!
And all you PK’s will then die!
I’ll do it very easily, in fact
real hard I won’t have to try!

Everyone:

In fact he’ll do it easily
and real hard he won’t have to try!

D’Argo:

For my military knowledge and my
fighting skills are quite complete,
and in my hyper-rage my fighting
prowess then just can’t be beat!
And so when it come down to
fighting and sending you back to Hell
I am the very model of a
Luxian Major General!

Scene 6: The Crew of Moya tries to figure out how to escape from the PK’s.

Pilot:

The Carrier is getting ready to fire!

Rygel:

Someone do something!

Crichton:

I have an idea!

Everyone:

You? Oh dren!

(song from Oh Men of Dark...)

Crichton:

Oh prisoners of dark and dismal fate!
Stop treating me like I’m just a dunce!
I can get us out of this desperate state,
will you listen to me just this once?
(he begins to write on the floor)
These calculations, see, are a maneuver all my own.
I used it once and slingshoted me here and far from home!
It can work now you see,
so just put some trust here in me!
See the Carrier comes soon!
I’m not just a buffoon!
So Aeryn take the wheel and out of here
let us go soon!

Everyone:

Trust Crichton?
See at our feet he kneels?
How could a primitive deal
a plan that will reveal
a way out of here
reel soon?

(No one looks very happy about listening to Crichton)

Zhaan:

(Raising her hands) It appears our only alternate is death!

(D’Argo growls loudly and shoves Aeryn over to the manual control. Crichton instructs her on the trajectory and they successfully slingshot away!)

Pilot:

The plan did work, we’re free!

Everyone:

Hurrah hurrah we are now free!

Crichton:

And it sometimes is a useful thing
to have a scientist like me!

Everyone:

It is! Hurrah for the primitive tech!
Hurrah for the primitive tech!

(They all celebrate the newfound freedom!)

ACT II

Scene 1:(A lot has happened in the cycle since Moya and her crew escaped. They have changed from desperate fugitives to a family, have added a new member called Chiana, and rely on each other for friendship and support as well as for numbers. As the scene opens, Crichton is searching for Aeryn, since she is missing from dinner. She is recovering from being stabbed by Larraq and he is worried she needs more nourishment and rest to recover.)

(song from Oh, Dry The Glistening Tear)

Crichton:

Oh Aeryn, where are you?
I play this hide and seek
to find you and bring you
to eat so you don’t grow week!
With sympathy for you wound
and the scars you keep,
for oh I cannot bare
to see you pale and meek!
(he finds her working out in the gym)
Dear Aeryn your working out,
at this untimely hour
when we all sit down to eat!
Come join us all right now!

(Aeryn tries to ignore Crichton to get him to leave, but suddenly coughs up a huge black wad of gunk and slides to the ground)

Aeryn:

See, Crichton I’m dying right here!
My nerve has ceased to be.
Life that has grown to me so dear
will soon be gone you see.

Crichton:

Jezz Aeryn what can we do?

Aeryn:

There’s nothing within the power of you!

Crichton:

I won’t give up the fight
I’ll see you get better soon!
The Gammak Base is near,
located on a far moon.

Aeryn:

It’s much to dangerous
I can’t allow you to go!

Crichton:

I won’t just let you die,
you can’t change my mind to no!

Scene 2:(Crichton is preparing to leave for the Gammak Base, dressed in his PK uniform. Chiana appears, also dressed in "traveling" cloths, followed by a few DRD’s)

(song from When The Foreman Bares His Steel)

Chiana:

When the situations bad,

DRDs:

Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep! (ect...)

Chiana:

and enough is what we’ve had!
I usually kick or kiss or cry
or try to say goodbye!
But you’ve helped me in the past,
and I’d like that to still last!
So I want to come with you
and help in what you do!
And help in what you do!

DRDs:

Beep beep beep beep beep! (ect...)

Crichton:

Go on Chiana, go and get lost!
What’s in it for you, what’s the cost?
You won’t accept that I’m the boss.
Go and stay safely away!
Come on kid and spill the story!
You know things will get real gory.
I’m not going for the glory
I’m just going to save Aeryn’s life!

Chiana:

Well first just think about this
before my help you dis:
I can help you play their game
and even act the same!
And I’ve even got a key
that will get you in you see?
(She holds up the IDent Chip she stole from Larraq to Crichton, then turns serious.)
I just wana earn my stay!
Let me help you in my way!

(Crichton looks pensive, remember another being that had to beg to be trusted)

Crichton:

All right Chiana, you’ve made your case.
I’ll trust you even with little base!
All the danger together we’ll face!
Come on Pip it’s time to go!

Both:

Come on now it’s time to go!
For our foes are fierce and ruthless
false, unmerciful and truthless.
But we’ll face them black as night
and come back to save Aeryn’s life!

(Chiana prepares the Prowler for departure while Crichton goes to say goodbye to Aeryn)

Aeryn:

I’ve observed, to great distress,
on the risks that you will press!
And to save my life, a lack
of a chance of coming back.

Crichton:

So perhaps it’s wise, I say,
not to say goodbye today!
So just shake my hand and say
that I’ll see you in a day!

(They shake hands, say goodluck, and then Crichton meets up with Chiana to leave)

Crichton - Chiana

All right Chiana - You’ve helped me
you’ve made your case! - in the past.
I’ll trust you - And I’d like that
even with little base! - to still last.
All the danger - So I want to come
together we’ll face! - with you
Come on Pip - and help in
it’s time to go! - what you do!

Both:

We’ll be sly and we’ll be sneaky!
We’ll give the base a little peaky!
We will find the cure we seeky
and we’ll then save Aeryn’s life!

Scene 3: Crichton and Chiana have successfully infiltrated the Gammak Base thanks to a little luck and Gilina, the PK Tech they met during their travels. She has helped them get the tissue graft they need to save Aeryn’s life, and now Crichton makes his way back towards the Prowler.

(recit.)

Crichton:

No back to go save Aeryn!
Oh joy unbounded! Oh sweet relief!
I’ve got the tissue graft right here!
At last I may atone, in some slight measure,
for the stabbing of Aeryn which, I’m partially
responsible, for out of sense of duty’s stern
dictation, I, circumstance’s victim have been guilty!

(Scorpius appears out of the shadows)

Scorpius:

Captain Larraq!

Crichton:

Who calls?

Scorpius:

My name is Scorpius.

PK Barbie:

And I, his little Niem.

Crichton:

Oh puny PK’s,
how dare ye detain me!
Know ye not, oh rash ones,
that you are detaining a PK Captain

Scorpius:

Your an imposture.
Guards quickly seize him!

Crichton:

I do not think I will be going with you!

(Crichton tries to escape, but is quickly overwhelmed by the guards. He manages to hide the tissue graft before they take him.)

Crichton:

Yet it looks like I really have no choice!
And so I will go with you,
lead on!

(Crichton is taken to the Aurora Chair to be questioned.)

(song from When You Had Left Our Pirate Fold)

Scorpius:

For many a long cycle now
we’ve been a research base out here
in the Uncharted Territories
doing research all should fear.
But all in vain our research was.
We didn’t know how far to go!
And then one day you came along,
a spy! What do you know?

Crichton:

I’m not a spy!

Niem:

You’re not a spy?

Scorpius:

Oh come now we know your a spy!
The question is how did you know
that we were here, I wonder why!

Scorpius and Niem:

A PK spy! I wonder why!
What information did he spy?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha we’ll soon know why!

(Niem turns on the Chair, giving Crichton a painful blast from the past.)

Scorpius:

You see we have a new toy now,
the implications are quite clear.
We’ll rip the memory from your mind
and play it all, right here!
There is no use fighting the Chair,
you’ll just cause yourself much more pain.
I can wait till you tire out
The results will be the same!

Crichton:

I’m not a spy!

Niem and Scorpius:

He says it now he’s not a spy
but we’ll know why!
He can lie all he want’s to but we’ll
find out where and who and why!

Scorpius:

(chanting) I see your a well traveled spy,
and interested in wormholes?
Traveling with a Delvian, a Luxian, a PK,
and a Hynerian Royal!
I have no interest in them, focus in on the
wormhole technology!

Crichton:

This base researches wormholes? Oh
you’ve got to be kidding me!

Scorpius:

Tell us what we want, or we will
segment your mind till the information busts!

(He turns the Chair on again, more pain and more memories)

Scorpius:

Ah, I see you are perused by
Captain Crais, perhaps he
can come and persuade you
to talk with us!
And so, perhaps you need some
time to recover!
(to Niem) Contact Crais, perhaps with his help
the info we will discover!

Scorpius and Niem laugh as Crichton is dragged off to a cell to wait for Crais!

Scene 4: Crichton has been tossed into a cell with Stark, and now they all contemplate their fate.

(song from My Eyes are Fully Open (actually from "Ruddigore"...but in many Pirates version they sing it here)

Crichton:

My eyes are fully open
to my awful situation!
I should somehow contact Chiana
and make plans for escapin’
I should tell her and Gilina
"Take the cure and run away!"
‘Cause it doesn’t really make much sense
for all of us to stay!
Now I do not want to perish here
by Crais or by the Chair,
but it doesn’t really look like
I am going anywhere!
Just knowing Aeryn’s better will
keep me from feeling sadder
but I’ll probably die tonight
and so it really doesn’t matter!

Stark:

So it really doesn’t matter!
matter matter matter matter...

Gilina:

So it really doesn’t matter!
matter matter matter matter

Crichton:

So it really doesn’t matter!

Stark:

So it really doesn’t matter!

All:

So it really doesn’t matter
matter matter matter matter!

Stark:

Since this is not a little matter,
generally silly,
I should give you my advice
upon the subject willy-nilly!
I could show you how I stole some
spare parts to make this lockpick;
but unfortunately it won’t
open up the door real quick.
I could tell you all about my race
and how I am a slave
and explain to you how badly
Scorpy’s Chair makes me behave!
But at present I’m afraid that
I’m as mad as any hatter
so I’ll tell you MY SIDE YOUR SIDE
‘cause that really doesn’t matter!

Crichton:

‘Cause that really doesn’t matter
matter matter matter matter...

Gilina:

‘Cause that really doesn’t matter
matter matter matter matter...

Stark:

‘Cause that really doesn’t matter!

Crichton:

‘Cause that really doesn’t matter!

All:

‘Cause that really doesn’t matter
matter matter matter matter...

Gilina:

If I had been so lucky as to
have, like you, a friend
then when I was growing up,
it would have helped me to no end!
I would not have joined the PK’s
and I wouldn’t be a tech,
and if you had said "Go with me"
I'd’ve said "Oh what the heck!"
But all of that is just a dream
we are all stuck right here,
and upon further consideration
one action is clear!
We can’t just leave you stranded here
you won’t last long in there!
So I’ll have to go to Scorpy’s room
and sabotage the Chair!

Crichton:

That will really help this matter
matter matter matter matter...

Stark:

That will really help this matter
matter matter matter matter...

All:

We won’t just leave you stranded here
you won’t last long in there!
So she will go to Scorpy’s room
and sabotage the Chair!

(song: Away Away, My Hearts on Fire!)

Everyone plans and schemes over Crichton...

Scorpius and Niem:

Today today! We get the truth!
Crais will arrive and help us have our say!
And then put Crichton in the Chair
to get the wormhole plans we want today!

Chiana:

Away away! Ere I expire...
I find my duty hard to do today!
Leave Crichton here? The scene so dire!
Just to save Aeryn! Now away away!

Crais:

With his white deathpod Crichton killed my kin;
his capture and his death repay his sin!
He tries to soften my resolve with lies
but in return tonight the human dies!
Yes yes tonight the human dies!
Tonight he dies!

Scorpius and Niem:

Crais will be here in three arns!
We’ll uncover the lies and expose all the bad yarns!

Gilina:

The one soft spot in his nature I cherish;
by evil who plot to abuse it, he’ll perish!!

All:

Tonight he dies when Crais comes in three arns
to uncover the lies and expose all the bad yarns!
The one soft spot in his nature that’s cherished
will be destroyed by evil...and perish!
Today today! TODAY!

Scene 5: Chiana returns to Moya with the cure and saves Aeryn's life. Meanwhile, Crichton has suffered once more in the Chair and is thrown back in the cell again. They sit thinking of each other and hoping the other is alive.

For all the shippers out there, I present:
(song from Ah, Leave Me Not To Pine)

Aeryn:

Ah, Crichton succeeded and saved my life, I see;
Yet he gave up his own into our enemy.
Our friendship has grown strong.
He's helped me all along
be more than I could be.
He saved me, he is gone!
I'd hope to show what had been done;
He saved me, he is gone!
To the changed life of Aeryn Sun!

Crichton:

Ah, am I to die here alone in endless night?
No! Not until I know if we've saved Aeryn's life!
Her life had just begun.
I'd hoped I'd be the one
to see her start it right!
I saved her, now I'm gone.
I hoped that I could be the one,
I saved her, now I'm gone!
To live life with Aeryn Sun!

(Back on Moya, Aeryn finally decides she has recovered long enough and sets off to rescue Crichton. The others, thinking she's not strong enough try to stop her.)

Aeryn:

(recit) No, I am strong!
Oh fellow crewmembers,
how brave thou art, how close you've grown to me!
Come one and all, we must save Crichton's fate!
Do not delay, or else we'll be to late!

Crew:

In both body and in mind,

DRDs:

Beep beep beep beep beep beep! ect...

Crew:

we're not timidly inclined.
And anything but blind
to the danger that's behind!
So when the danger's near
we face it without fear!
So let's get Crichton back here
and away from danger steer,
away from danger steer!!

Aeryn:

Chiana, you and Rygel remain behind just in case Moya gives birth. The rest of us are off to rescue John!

(Aeryn, D'Argo, and Zhaan leave on the rescue mission. Pilot watches them leave, and then moans over the fact that Chiana and Rygel are his only help with Moya's pregnancy)

(song from When a Felons Not Engaged)

Pilot:

When a Pilot and a Levithian are joined
we give up our own life to serve just their needs.
And we quickly learn why the following was coined:
You never know where Levithian's will lead!
My feelings I with difficulty smother
when I have my assigned tasks to be done!
I'll take one consideration with another
a Pilot's life is not an easy one!

(a few DRD's do a little dance...think remote controlled cars piloted by the Rockettes)

Pilot:

When the systems I'm maintaining aren't breaking
it's the DRD's are once again off-line!
And while my job is something I'm not forsaking
a little help to me would be just fine!
Both Moya and I are quite a bit shaky
for we have never given birth before!
And while Chiana and Rygel may be flaky!
they will need to help with whatever's in store!

Chiana and Rygel:

OooooHHH!!

All three:

With Moya's baby and all that should be done!
Should be done - -
A Pilot's life is not an easy one!
EASY ONE!!

(The three set to work to help Moya give birth)

Scene 6: Aeryn, D'Argo and Zhaan have snuck to the top of the Gammak base. As D'Argo and Zhaan prepare an escape route, Aeryn goes down into the base to find and rescue Crichton. Inside their cell, Crichton and Stark overhear Aeryn talking to an PK she is fooling.

(song from A Rolliking Band Of Pirates We)

PK:

A signal from here? Don't be so bold
to suggest my guarding skills are old!
I'll show you myself there's nothing here
and no signals at all to fear!

Crichton:

(to Stark) Hush hush!
I hear Aeryn slowly approaching!
If we are lucky our freedom she's poaching!

PK:

See scanning the cell it shows no sign
of signals emitting, so it's just fine!
(the device beeps)

Aeryn:

See someone has something here to hide
so I quickly say we look inside!

Stark and Crichton:

They seek a signal?

PK:

Somewhere inside! We seek a signal!

Stark and Crichton:

Somewhere inside!

All:

We (they) seek a signal somewhere inside
something that we (they) can no longer hide!

(Aeryn and the PK enter the cell, and when the PK is distracted by Stark's lockpick device Aeryn knocks him out)

Crichton:

Aeryn! You're alive!

Aeryn:

Crichton! You're alive!!

Stark:

How many PK's do you know aboard this base!

Aeryn:

Come! We must leave quickly before we are detected. Let's get Gilina and go!

(the three find Gilina, and they all begin to sneak out of the base!)

(song from With Cat-Like Tread)

All:

With cat-like tread
we sneak out of the base!
It's Scorpius we dread!
Hope we don't see his face!

Aeryn:

Quickly let's hide!
The PK's come quite fast!
If we don't hide away
they'll catch us fast!

(Stark heads for the surface while Aeryn, Crichton and Gilina find a grate under the floor to hide)

PK:

(walking overhead) We must find them!
We must find them!

Crichton:

So how do we get out of here?
The Chair and Scorpy's what I fear!

Niem:

(standing overhead)
Come all who work for me!
Find the human Crichton!
Yell out if you spot him!
Go now and do it quickly
or you will be punished you see!
(she exits)

Aeryn:

You two stay hidden here
I'll go get a IDent chip!
When I get it and come back
then out of here we'll slip!

Crichton:

Let me go with you!
I'll help all I can!

Aeryn:

You stay here and recover!
I don't really have a plan!

(Aeryn leaves, wandering the halls looking for an officer to steal a chip from. She enters Scorpius' chamber to find Crais connected to the Chair)

Aeryn:

(recit) What's this? What a scene!
I can't believe my eyes!
Captain Crais in the Chair?
How could he be unwise?

Crais:

Who's there? Let me look you in the eye!
Officer Sun!

Aeryn:

You stole my life from me
and at first I was left alone!
And now I've come to realize
Moya is now my home!
Everything that I once believed
I see's a pack of lies!
And now I love my brand new life
and former one despise!

Crais:

You are a PK now help me!

Aeryn:

No, I will not!
But neither will I kill!
I leave you with one gift,
You're life I leave
you all to see
and contemplate at length!

(she grabs the IDent chip Crais has, turns on the Chair, and sneaks away, leaving Crais screaming.)

Scene 7: Aeryn returns to lead Crichton and Gilina to the surface. At the last moment Gilina decides to stay, and Aeryn and Crichton leave.

(song from Now What Is This?)

Crichton:

(recit) Now there's D'Argo! How are ya man!
It's good to see both you and Zhaan!
And Stark my cell mate made it too!
Let's make tracks before we're caught too!

Zhaan:

Our pod is just around the corner
hidden from all prying eyes!
So let us make our great escape
from those below we do despise!

All:

It's good to be together now
but we must leave and soon no doubt!
And fly back to Moya and when
we leave here we'll be safe from them!

(the PK's suddenly appear)

Scorpius:

Forward and seize that human there!

(A firefight begins, and our hero's hold off the PK's. Just before all can escape Crichton is suddenly captured by Scorpius! Before he can lead Crichton away Gilina appears and points a pulse rifle at Scorpius)

Crichton:

Gilina here? Oh joy! Oh rapture!
Fire on Scorpius to prevent capture!

Scorpius:

Stand down PK Tech!

Gilina:

Beautiful Crichton!
I'd fire on him but I am quite frightened!

(Scorpius turns his pulse rifle and fires on Gilina! She falls to the ground, but the momentary distraction lets Crichton escape from Scorpius. He grabs Gilina and they make their escape!)

(Back on Moya, the crew discover that the Leviathan has given birth and all is well. In a set of quarters, though, Gilina is about to die because of her wounds.)

(song from the Chorus We Triumph Now)

Gilina:

I die right now, but not in vain!
You're life we were able to save!
I'd hoped you love me as I love you!
Given time do you think you could have loved me too?

Crichton:

Oh course.

Gilina:

Kiss me...please?

(Crichton gives her one last kiss as she dies.)

(back on the Gammak Base, Scorpius fumes over his loss of Crichton)

Scorpius:

To gain a brief advantage you've contrived!
But your proud triumph will not be long lived!
I'll commandeer Crais and his Carrier brave!
And when I capture Crichton, face I'll save!
I won't rest till... I see him yeald...the info that I crave!

(Back on Moya everyone finally enjoys being back together and relatively healthy!)

Aeryn:

Finally we are all back together again!

Crichton:

It's good to know you are all OK!

Pilot:

Moya and I are gratified you are all back!

Zhaan:

As am I! Welcome back!

Rygel:

What about Moya's child?

D'Argo:

We'll deal with him as we must. But everything will be all right!

Chiana:

Now let's get out of here before Scorpius returns!

(song from Poor Wandering One Reprise)

Aeryn:

Now we're all one!
Together danger we'll face!
Let them all come,
our freedom we've won!
Now we're all one!

All:

Now we're all one!
If such strange love as ours
can help us find
home and right minds;
Then freedom we've rightly won!

THE END!