Silence Is Golden

Author: Lauren (OboeCrazy)
Feedback: Please?  This is my first attempt at a "serious" fanfic...the Coffee Shop series doesn't count  :-)
Disclaimer: The usual
Raiting: A very nice PG
Timeframe: Set between 'Through the Looking Glass' and 'A Bugs Life'...when Moya was still pregnant

~1~

I’ve always considered myself a smart man. OK, so I’ve had the occasional "DUH!" moment, but overall I think I’m fairly quick on the uptake. In the few decades I’ve been alive I have tried to better myself as well as learn the general rules that are necessary to get through life. I thought I had a good idea of what those rules are...things like: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, never leave the house without money, always listen to your gut, there is no problem that can’t be worked through with a good friend and a six-pack...and so on.

But then about a cycle ago, I found myself on the other side of the universe on a living ship with alien escaped prisoners and being hunted like Richard Kimball. Most of my rules went right out the airlock, and Murphy’s Laws seemed to go into effect. Oh don’t get me wrong, there have been some damn fun times and good friends, and not everything has been doom and gloom. But most of the time whenever things were good, they got bad. When they were bad, things got worse. And just as I would think, "Well this sucks!" life would turn the vacuum on high.

Like our last little adventure. You would think that floating around in the Bermuda Triangle of space on a pregnant, weaponless ship with a bunch of bored aliens while being hunted down would be just about as bad as things could get. I did...and then I got a stuffed up nose.

So now I have only one rule that I live by. So far it appears to work in every situation, even the ones I’d never imagined I’d be a part of:

Never underestimate the universe.

"Crichton, I swear if you do that again I’m going to use this fork to rip off your nose."

Ah, I must have sniffled again. "Sorry, Aeryn, it’s just this damn cold."

To my left the lovely, dangerous Aeryn Sun continued to pick at her food cubes as she grumbled to me, "Well if you’re cold then go put on something warmer than that flight suit. Don’t sit here imitating Rygel!"

I sighed, "I’m not cold, I *have* a cold. It’s an annoying virus. You know...sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so I need Nyquil stuff. But right now I just have the sniffles."

She looked at me with that face. I know that one all too well. It’s the one that tells me that those powerful translator microbes just can’t handle Earth television commercials. I cringed, expecting to be told how strange I am *again*, but Aeryn simply rose from her food cubes and gently took a hold of my arm. "Come on."

"Where?" I left my own unappetizing meal behind to follow her lead.

"To see Zhaan. She may have something to make you feel better." Her concern dropped for a moment as she continued, "And if not I don’t want you making that noise around me anymore!"

I would have protested, but she was right. Certainly aliens advanced enough to create the wonders I’d seen have a cure for the common cold. Aeryn dragged me to the medical bay, calling for Zhaan to meet us there. I couldn’t help but smile. I guess I also I didn’t protest because I don’t mind having Aeryn concerned about me. We have a lot of fun together when she’s not kicking the dren out of me.

That tends to be my relationship with most of the crew actually.

As we reached the medical bay I couldn’t help it and sniffled again. Aeryn shot me that death glare I know and love. "Sorry." I tried to look as sheepish as possible.

It worked. Aeryn rolled her eyes and grabbed a flimsy, light blue cloth to hand to me. "Here!"

"Thanks." And then just to see her reaction I gave a huge, honking, house-demolishing blow. It felt great to relieve the pressure for a bit, but sounded awful. Aeryn’s face confirmed how attractive I sounded, but she didn’t comment. I went to find some trash receptacle to deposit the hankie in when a flash of color caught my eye. Before I realized it I opened up the hankie to stare in fascination.

"Did what passes for your brain get blown out your nose?" Aeryn threw me a sly grin.

Well she sure learned about sarcasm quickly. I ignored the jibe and turned to the important part, "Uh, Aeryn, I think I have a problem."

The sarcasm evaporated, Aeryn must have heard the seriousness of my tone. "What’s wrong? Are you feeling worse?"

Wordlessly I showed her the snot filled cloth. She gave me a disgusted look, "Oh thanks Crichton, now I think I’ll go finish lunch."

"Aeryn, I don’t know what color snot is on your planet, but on Earth it’s not purple!" I looked down at the cloth again, fascinated that something that color could come out of my body. Aeryn started staring too. It was a pretty color, even if it did come from my nose, a deep royal purple.

At that moment Zhaan graced us with her presence, and I felt better as she asked, "What can I help with?" I figured if anyone could help me understand this it was my favorite Delvian Pa’u. I showed her the hankie, and she calmly examined my snot. Then she said, "Very delightful. I didn’t know humans were so colorful."

"We’re not, Zhaan." I said. "Nothing that color should be coming out of any part of my anatomy. And yet..." I trailed off to look back down at the Amazing Technicolor Snot.

"Well let me run a few tests. You are probably just having a reaction to something." I love how Zhaan can stay calm about anything. She put on some gloves and gently took my purple stained hankie. "Why don’t you sit down, I’ll get the equipment ready."

Aeryn turned to leave. "Well I can see you two have work to do. I’ll come back later when you know what’s wrong and you’re not sniffling." She threw a grin back at me. "Let’s hope not all of your body fluids are changing color!"

"I’ll be sure to keep you updated!" I called back as Zhaan lead me to an examining table.

~2~

I don’t mind getting examined by Zhaan alone. It gives me an excuse to ask anything I’ve wanted to know about but refrained from. Most of the crew can only put up with my questions for so long, and I’ve quickly learned how far I can go before I piss someone off. Rygel won’t last long unless the questions are about him. Chiana is more than willing to answer my questions, but she doesn’t know half the answers and sometimes tries to make up for it by invading my personal space. Pilot will give me as many answers as I want, but he’s always so busy I feel bad taking up his time with my own curiosity. D’Argo will answer questions that are immediately important, but anything more and I’ll get growled at. If Aeryn is in the mood she’ll go on for hours answering what’s probably lots of stupid questions, and is always more than happy to teach me things that will be important in the long run, but if she’s not in the mood just one innocent question can earn me a pantak jab.

But Zhaan...perhaps it’s the priest part of her, or the fact that she views all of us as children that need to be taught, but she almost always answers my questions.

After about a half an arn of her running tests and me being curious, Chiana wandered in. Jumping up onto another examining table she watched Zhaan examine me. She was probably just bored. After an arn Aeryn came back with D’Argo in tow to hear the results. Even Rygel floated in to see why we were having a party in the medical bay.

"So, what’s up, doc?" I asked Zhaan in my best Bugs Bunny imitation. When Zhaan gave me her version of Aeryn’s ‘What the Hell’ look, I said in a normal voice, "How long do I have to live?"

"It’s nothing serious, John." Zhaan said with a smile, "It appears you have a mild case of D’naris Plague."

"Say *what* Plague?" Zhaan may have been calm, but I was freaked. I didn’t know you could have a *mild* case of the Plague! Behind me Aeryn started grinning, and D’Argo looked like he was going to burst out laughing any moment. Those rattlers in my stomach gave me the sinking sensation I was about to become the butt of a bad joke.

"D’naris Plague," Zhaan explained calmly, "It’s a common Luxan virus."

"Is it contagious?" Chiana asked, looking concerned.

"I don’t know, but I don’t think we have to worry too much." Zhaan said, now smiling in my direction.

Rygel started snickering "But isn’t D’naris a virus usually caught by Luxan children?"

Ah yes, thanks universe for dropping the other shoe.

Aeryn tried to hide her grin with her hands, but D’Argo had started rumbling with laughter. Zhaan gave me a sympathetic look, but I could see she was just as amused as the others. "Yes, usually only 3 or 4 cycles old."

I finally got control over my jaw that appeared to have landed on the floor, and said, "Now wait a minute! Are you telling me I have the Luxan equivalent to chicken pox?!"

Chiana had joined in the grinning, and ignoring my outburst said, "You certainly are big for four cycles!"

"Don’t start with me Pip!" I shook a warning finger in her face, then turned back to Zhaan, "OK, how long before I’m better?"

"Well it’s a guess considering your unique physiology but it usually dissipates after 40 arns or so."

"And the purple?"

"I believe it’s merely a reaction your immune system is having fighting a new virus." She paused, "I would like to keep you here and monitored, just in case. You shouldn’t get any worse but I want to be safe."

"Now just wait!" Rygel protested, his smile gone, "It’s Crichton’s shift in the Command! I am certainly not taking extra work simply because he has a child’s disease!"

"I will cover for you, John." D’Argo grinned at me even as he inched towards the door, "Now we see why you can be so childish!"

"Thanks D’Argo, kick a guy when he’s sick!" I called after the Luxian. I could still hear him laughing even after he was several feet down the corridor.

Everyone was rather quick to leave the medical bay after that. Of course they’re all ready to make fun of me when I have a kid’s virus, but no one wants to risk catching it themselves. Aeryn promised to come get me for dinner before she left. I tried to tell her it was just a runny nose, I’m not suddenly an invalid, but how can I argue with a woman who can kick my butt?

After a few arns of hanging around in the med-bay alone, I was ready to sneak on down to the docking bay to work a bit on the Farscape. Jumping off the bed I started to make my escape when Aeryn appeared.

"Feeling better?" she asked.

"The same." I shrugged, "But I didn’t feel bad to being with"

"Well don’t kahar me, Zhaan insisted you rest," she replied. Kahar? Before I could ask she continued, "Come on, we’re going to eat."

Everyone was all ready eating when we arrived, not that we were worried about all the good food being gone. Oh drat, the green food cubes are finished...I’ll just have to put up with the brown ones.

Right.

"How are you feeling, John?" Zhaan asked as I sat down.

"Fine, just a bit stuffy." I replied as I grabbed a plate of colored sand.

"Does that mean you’ll be available to fix the shower in my quarters?" Rygel asked, "The water never quite gets cold enough."

"No, John will be returning to the infirmary to rest." Zhaan insisted with a smile.

"Thanks Mom." I couldn’t help but say. Chiana snickered next to me.

D’Argo snorted from the other end of the table where he had sat down, "You are lucky a clogged nose is your only symptom. Luxian children also experience tremors, sweating, coughing, and barnesh!"

"And what?" I asked, not catching the last word.

"Barnesh..." D’Argo gave me an expectant look, and when I continued to look blank he said, "Spots?"

"Oh, OK." Great, I *did* have the intergalactic version of chicken pox!!

"Isn’t there a cure? Antidote?" Chiana asked. "As much as I enjoy making fun of John, I don’t want it myself."

"Sorry, he simply needs time for the Plague to run its course." Zhaan said.

Now I was really feeling like a child. "Do I have to be stuck in the infirmary? It’s just a mild case, right?"

"We’re not just trying to help you," Aeryn spoke up. "We don’t want ka cee it either, and the less cha-nok gee ba tok, less racknock gree no."

After that batch of gobbelty-gook I gave Aeryn the same ‘What the hell?’ look I usually get. No one else appeared to hear anything wrong. Finally I said "Uh, Aeryn, can you repeat that last bit again? I think my translator microbes took a small vacation."

Zhaan gave me a startled look. Aeryn smiled and said, "Are you sure your brain didn’t kle norat vu?"

"Ok, this is getting weird." I said.

"Shah no blat wrong, John?" Zhaan said. "Are you feeling worse?"

"I’m still feeling fine but..." I stopped to consider the situation, "I think something’s wrong with my translator microbes. I’m only understanding half of what you guys are saying!"

The next time I want to kill the conversation I know exactly what to say. Everyone looked at me like I’d grown another head, and it was so quiet you could hear my stomach digest those tasteless food cubes.

Zhaan was the first to break the silence and gave voice to what everyone was thinking, "The virus?"

"Impossible!" D’Argo exploded, "Kaf takazet causes anything wrong vat toke Luxan!"

Zhaan picked up the argument, but I’m left out. It was like someone turned the radio on the Romanian station...I couldn’t understand a word.

So that was what my life would be like without translator microbes. Although I probably wouldn’t have survived this long. For a few seconds I was caught up in hearing all the different languages I only got a few seconds worth of when I first arrived so long ago. D’Argo sounded like he was trying to hock a spitball as he talked, but that could just be because he was angry. Zhaan’s voice was a bit lower and more melodious, and she produced a few sounds I didn’t believe possible. Rygel actually sounded the same, still a bit pompous. Aeryn shouted a few words into the fray and I could swear if you played it backwards you’d hear "Paul is dead". Chiana hadn’t spoken yet, she was still concentrating on the food cubes.

What I wouldn’t have given for a Babel Fish at that moment.

I grabbed Aeryn’s arm and said "It’s gone, the microbes are all off now. I’m not understanding anything!"

Aeryn nodded to me, then said something to Zhaan. The two ladies stood and motioned to me to follow. At least after our trip to that blue dimension Aeryn and I had some practice doing the non-verbal communication thing. I wondered if the others were going to be up for some charades.

Halfway down the hall Chiana ran up and asked something...holy dren!!

I’ve always wondered why Chiana spoke the way she did. The inflection always sounded strange to me. Now I know why...that voice....someone get that girl to the Met! It’s like listening to the most heavenly soprano voice sing a perfect Puccini Aria in Italian. You have no idea what is being said, but it’s so beautiful you don’t care.

I was simply stunned by her voice. Entranced. She was looking right at me and I found myself unable to look away. Oh Lord...I could have died happy right there listening to that voice! She had a sly smile on her face. She knew I couldn’t understand her and was probably telling me I’m a piece of dren.

I didn’t care.

I guess I was staring in open-mouthed shock, because Aeryn grabbed my arm none too gently, snapped something at me, and practically dragged me to the med-bay. Chiana trilled something to us as we walked away.

Once there the tests started again. This time Aeryn stayed, her harsher voice contrasting with Zhaan’s more melodious, soothing one. I guess I’m not the only one who asked a lot of questions. Aeryn’s pestered the dren out of Zhaan. I had almost wished Chiana had followed us, at least I would have had some music to listen to.

When Zhaan looked like she was winding down I got ready. I figured it was time for a round of twenty questions.

"So is it the virus causing my hearing problems?" I asked.

Zhaan started to say something, then simply nodded at me.

"Ok...is this still going to go away in forty arns?" Another nod. "Is there anything I can do to get the microbes working again?" Now I got a no. "But the microbes will come back when I get better, right?" Zhaan paused a moment to think, then smiled and nodded. "Do you know *why* this virus is causing this?"

Aeryn started to talk again, looking at me as if I’d be able to read her mind. She looked really angry...probably was or else she wouldn’t have forgotten I couldn’t understand a word she was saying. Zhaan interrupted her and showed me the readouts on one of the medical displays.

I sighed, "It’s pretty, but I can’t read it either."

I took one more look. The microbes let me read whatever the language all the displays show, but I still had to spend many months learning how to ready the displays themselves. That all went away with one cold.

Aeryn and Zhaan spoke quietly for a moment, then Zhaan took me gently by the shoulders and made me lie down on the med-bay cot.

"You want me to rest?" I asked, and got another nod, "Zhaan, I am *not* tired! I just have a stuffy nose!" I tried to sit up and got pushed down again. "Can’t I at least go rest in my quarters?" I sat back up, hoping...

Zhaan gave me a look I know well, even if it was one I hadn’t seen in a very long time. It’s the one that says "Stop being a difficult human and just do as someone who knows better is saying!"

I laid back down, probably looking a little too much like a spoiled child just told I can’t have another cookie since Aeryn grinned at me. Zhaan nodded and ushered Aeryn out the door. She said something soothing to me and then turned off the lights and left.

I can’t believe it. 32 years old and I’d been put to bed. Dang, and not even for anything FUN either ....

~3~

After a good six arns of sleep, and another two lying around bored out of my mind, I decided to make a break for it. After a quick scan down the hall to make sure Zhaan wasn’t around to catch me, I dashed off for my quarters. A shower, shave and change of clothes into the only other thing I have to wear and I felt better. Not that I felt bad to begin with.

A few minutes later I was under the hood of Farscape 1. It was nice to get back to something I totally understand, especially after losing my translator microbes. I got so engrossed in the hard-drive that when Aeryn shouted out "Crichton!" behind me I jumped and practically hit my head on the cockpit cover.

Turning around I said "Jeez, Aeryn give a guy a heart attack that way!"

She said something but it was still a jumble. I gave her my best black stare, the one that has gotten a lot of practice since I took that little trip through the wormhole. Finally she caught on. She placed the palms of her hands together and bowed to me. The hell...?

Oh... "Zhaan?"

She nodded, then pointed to me, and then looked real angry. Wow, I guess Peacekeepers must take acting classes. She was doing that really well!

"Zhaan’s angry with me?"

She nodded again and smirked at me.

"She’s angry because I’m not in the med-bay." It wasn’t so much a question as a statement, but I got a nod and a smile from Aeryn anyway. "Listen, I feel fine! I can’t just hang out here a while?"

She shook her head, giving me a strange look. Just as I think she’s going to start another round of charades Zhaan’s voice floated up from her communicator. Aeryn listened intently, the strange look from before still on her face. She answered, and even with the words a mystery I could hear confusion in her voice.

There was a long pause, and Zhaan spoke again.

Then Aeryn starting looking really worried, and those rattlers in my stomach started doing the can-can when she grabbed my arm and hauled me off. What now? I became convinced the cold was going to be getting worse....visions of the Black Plague swam in my mind’s eye until we entered the med-bay. Zhaan was standing there, looking a curious mixture of angry and worried.

For the next few moments it was like I wasn’t in the room. Zhaan and Aeryn argued with each other, Aeryn obviously becoming more and more distraught. Finally I butted in. "Can someone tell me what’s going on?"

Aeryn glared at me, raised her hands and placed them over her ears. Then she shook her head.

Ah crap...

"Aeryn’s microbes aren’t working either?" I asked Zhaan.

Zhaan nodded sadly.

"It’s spreading. How could it be spreading?!" I looked at Aeryn who appeared ready to kill. Zhaan had a confused look on her face, I think she was trying to figure a way to answer my question without talking. I held up my hands, "Never mind, Zhaan, you can tell me later when I’m better. Does anyone else on Moya have this?"

Zhaan shook her head, then moved to me to guide me over to one of the exam beds. I sat, and she smiled. I was afraid she was gonna try to get me to sleep again, but then she moved to Aeryn and did the same. Aeryn was a bit more vocal about it, but I felt resigned to my fate of staying in the medical bay until the Plague ran its course. Zhaan finally got Aeryn to sit on one of the beds, and started to leave.

Both Aeryn and I spoke together, and I’m fairly sure she was saying the same thing I was "Wait, we’re just supposed to sit here?"

Zhaan turned, sadly smiled, and left, closing the door behind her. I looked at Aeryn, but the smile on my face dropped when I saw her glaring back at me.

"Oh no!" I said, even though I knew she wouldn’t understand me, "There is NO way you are blaming all of this on me! I have no control over a virus!"

Aeryn turned away from me, muttering to herself. I could distinctly pick up the word "frelling" but that was it. Oh she was going to be a fun bunkmate.

~4~

By the time I woke up, everyone was infected. Apparently this thing moved faster then bad news.

When I walked into the center chamber to get some breakfast I found Rygel sitting on one side trying hard to look pompous with a head-cold, and D’Argo on the other side eating some food cubes and scratching his arms every so often. I noticed he looked like he was covered in spots.

When I entered Rygel snapped something at me, and then before I knew it D’Argo had stormed up to me and was angrily pointing at the red spots all over his body.

I pointed to my ears and shook my head. Hello guys, still not translating.

D’Argo repeated my maneuver and growled.

"Frell!" I said, realizing what that meant. Looking hopefully at Sparky I saw him shaking his head as well. I looked back at D’Argo. "Zhaan? Chiana? Pilot?" I asked.

Once again D’Argo shook his head. Everyone was infected, and no one could understand anyone. "Great, just great. Zhaan better be right about this getting cleared up in a few arns or else we could be in some serious dren."

I knew no one could understand me, but I found myself saying it anyway. I’ve always been one to think out loud, and when suddenly no one could understand me I figured it didn’t matter anyway. Of course, Aeryn would make some crack about how no one can understand me even when the translator microbes are working, but that’s beside the point.

The three of us sat in silence munching on food cubes, Rygel and I sniffling occasionally and D’Argo muttering curses as he scratched his chicken pox. I felt grateful that apparently this Plague only gave me a stuffed up nose, apparently it was attacking Hynerians and Luxians with much more gusto.

Halfway through the meal Chiana sauntered in, and before the look of sneaky glee on her face could set off any warning bells in my head she started singing. Oh dren was it extraordinary...mesmerizing...it was the most amazing sound I had ever heard. I had just enough wits to realize that Chiana was having the same effect on D’Argo and Rygel, and that she not only was enjoying herself but probably knew exactly what she was doing to us.

I have no idea how long I sat gazing at the devious Nebari, my mouth hanging open catching flies. It could have been arns for all I know. Finally Zhaan came walking in, and with a sigh walked up to where Chiana was singing with more gusto then a soprano singing Wagner and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. Chiana stopped singing to look at Zhaan shaking her head.

When the music stopped, we all snapped out of our trances.

"Frell!" Rygel cursed in wonder behind me.

That reaction got a enormous smile from Chiana, who opened her mouth to start again only to have it shut by Zhaan. Once again the Delvian gave her a stern look and shook her head. Chiana rolled her eyes, sung a few words at Zhaan that included "frelling" and "Crichton!" and then stalked out of the room. Zhaan smiled at us and also left.

Now that was quite a way to start the day. I should have known that it wasn’t going to get any less interesting from there.

In an attempt to keep from being isolated in the medical bay again, I snuck out of breakfast and took a long way to the transport bay. I figured I’d work on Farscape 1 some more. I was perched on a box looking on top of one of the thrusters checking for cracks in the hull when Moya decided to hiccup.

Well that’s what it felt like. Suddenly the floor had shifted to the right a few feet, and it was only a bit of luck and some fancy footwork that saved me from ending up sprawled on the floor injured. As I regained my balance I forgot what was going on and called into the communicator "Pilot what was that?!"

Pilot responded, his voice clipped and only a few words, but a complete mystery.

"Nevermind Pilot, if you can understand me then nevermind!"

I dashed out of the bay headed towards command. At least there I could try and look at some of the visual displays and get an idea why Moya decided to jump, jive and wail. On my way I passed by the center chamber, but stopped when I saw what was outside the windows. Slowly I walked into the room, heading to the glass to gape out at it...a ship. And from the looks of it, a ship the size of Texas!

Moya was headed towards it at top speed, and as it came closer and closer I was at least partially relieved to see it wasn’t a Command Carrier. It was an incredibly simplistic design, almost completely oval shaped with two larger wings on each side. The color was a very deep blue, with lighter blue patches all over the place. As we got closer Moya headed for one of the larger light blue patches, and it opened up to let out several smaller craft.

I didn’t stick around to see what those things looked like, I dashed out of the room and sprinted for Command. That did NOT give me a good feeling!

Halfway there I almost ran right into D’Argo and Aeryn, both clutching weapons and both with the pissed-off look on their faces. Aeryn shouted a few words to me, D’Argo shouted a few words to me, and I just shook my head and spread my hands.

D’Argo growled and stormed off, leaving Aeryn to shake her pulse pistol at me and jerk her head in the direction of the weapons locker. Right, I’m gonna go get a weapon and promptly blow it up when the aliens storm on board. I was trying to think of a way to non-verbally tell Aeryn that perhaps Moya shouldn’t be running TOWARDS the danger when she turned around and ran after D’Argo.

And it was only because I was watching her run away, looking completely lost, that I noticed the door leading down that hallway closed after them. The hell...?

I walked up and activated the door to open, but nothing happened. I waved my hand again in front of the doorbell and still nothing.

Frell, that can’t be good. I decided at that point Aeryn was right, and a weapon might be a good idea.

~5~

After grabbing a pulse pistol I started to make my way towards the docking bay. If the aliens were going to board us they’d start there. Unless they had transporters, and then we were screwed. But I hadn’t seen a Star Trek like effect since I last saw my TV in Florida, so I figured that wasn’t going to happen. It took some fancy running, and almost losing some skin when I had to squeeze between a quickly closing door and the doorframe, but I made it to the transport bay.

The door behind me closed with an ominous swish. Normally I wouldn’t think of a swish as ominous, but the fact that I was now alone in the transport bay and D’Argo and Aeryn were locked out made the situation rather dismal.

When Moya abruptly shook I had the sudden flashback to that first scene in Star Wars when Darth Vader captures the Rebel ship. Mostly of that moment of quiet just before all the Storm Troopers run on the ship killing everyone. Of course Princess Leia had a whole platoon of guys, all Moya had was D’Argo, Aeryn and me...perhaps Zhaan if she was in a kick butt mood, and Chiana if she wasn’t in a hiding kind of mood.

But right then and there, it was just me.

As the transport bay’s outer doors opened I made a decision. There was no way I was going to be able to be G.I. Joe, so my best option was to hide and try and gather info. Of course gathering info was going to be hard since I couldn’t understand anyone or anything.

Too bad, it was time to duck and cover.

I hid behind some large barrels of...something. There’s always stuff in the transport bays that I have no idea what it is. I was distracted for a moment wondering exactly what I was hiding behind and if I should be worried about it being flammable, but the sound of a ship landing brought me back to the aliens. When the engines on the craft behind the inner doors powered down I checked the pulse riffle I was carrying and took a deep breath. The inner doors opened and I got my first good look at the ship that had landed in Moya.

Frankly the thing was beautiful! It looked like it was made of blue stained glass, hues varying from almost black all the way to the lightest sky blue. It was as slender and smooth as a swan in flight, its wings gently folding back before my eyes in a maneuver I had seen Farscape I do many times, but this ship put my module to shame. I guessed from the design it was a transport used both in space and in a planet’s atmosphere because of its aerodynamic design, but it was also simply a gorgeous vessel. In a movement as fluid and graceful as any living creature, the "head" slowly descended to touch the floor then opened to allow its passengers an exit.

Now when Moya was first captured by these aliens, I was picturing conquering hordes of Sheyangs, or Tabloids, or some other fierce warrior race. After I saw their ship I started thinking we were being captured by ego driven, beautiful space vixens or something. Some kind of ravishingly deadly species that Kirk would get in bed before fighting to the death with.

What I wasn’t expecting was something out of Dr. Seuss!

They were about seven feet tall, and at their widest about five or six feet in diameter. They had something like bird feet, big muscular legs that could have come from an ostrich. The body was one gigantic furball...a round ball of soft fur long enough to drive my allergic Aunt Cecila nuts with all the shedding. As they moved the fur would flow and wave as if under water, or tall grass in a gentle breeze. Two fuzzy, pointy ears sat on top of the body, looking a bit like the ears off my old Siberian husky. A neck about a foot long jutted out from the body to end in a small furry head. Well, I’m guessing it was the head, I tend to consider anything with eyes the head. They had two glassy black eyes on either side of the oval head, and what looked like a furry suction cup with a membrane over the opening at the tip.

Basically they were the silliest creatures I had ever seen. I didn’t know if I should laugh at them, shoot them, or start reciting "Green Eggs and Ham".

About twenty exited the ship, all in varying dark colors of reds, blues, greens, and browns. They walked with that strange gait pigeons have, where they take a step and then almost jerk their head forward. They were cocking those huge eyes all over the place, and everyone’s ears were constantly turning back and forth. The sounds that came from them...I assumed they were talking and my little translator microbe problem wouldn’t let me understand them, but it sounded like an orchestra before a concert; all kinds of different noises at different volumes doing different things.

Surprisingly an insistent hum caused the cacophony to stop and all of the aliens turned to look at one of the big red ones making the noise. For a few seconds they were all frozen, staring at the one giving the tuning note, and then Big Red starting honking at them, sounding like a cat running across an electronic keyboard.

I figured Big Red was the leader, and was relaying instructions to his...her...its friends about how to go about storming the castle. Unfortunately without a translation I couldn’t tell what that plan was.

When Big Red stopped honking, all the aliens scratched the floor with those bird feet, and then all twenty started humming and slowly moving towards the exit....sounding like a hive of bees if bees could carry a tune.

The door opened for them and they all simply walked into the hallway. I was stunned, where the hell were D’Argo and Aeryn?

As the last one walked out the door I got up from my hiding place and started following them, trying to keep far enough back not to be spotted but close enough to keep an eye on them. Although a few at the rear had those fuzzy ears pointed back in my direction, either they didn’t hear me or were ignoring me.

At one of the major intersections they all stopped. Splitting into three roughly equal groups they all headed down the three paths, still humming. I followed the group with Big Red, cursing that I had no way to warn everyone that the British were coming.

Not far down the hall the group I was following froze and stopped humming. I stood as still as possible, not even breathing. Dren, they heard me! I had a horrific picture of dozens of clawed ostrich feet tearing me to shreds, but that never happened. The group moved to one side of the corridor and began to hum very loudly as they began rubbing against the wall.

The hell...?

It was the strangest sight...these seven foot tall Dr. Seuss-like Furbies rubbing the side of Moya’s hallways like they were trying to scrub them clean. And what was even stranger is I could swear I heard Moya humming along, the floor beneath my feet vibrating in harmony with Big Red and his pals. For several long moments I was completely at a loss for what to do. These aliens had somehow taken over Moya, got on board without a problem, and now they were just humming and rubbing and who knows what!

I was still trying to decide what to do when Pilot’s voice floated up from my communicator. "Commander Crichton! Can you understand me?"

Wait a second...I *did* understand that!!

I quickly sneaked back down the hallway, hopefully out of earshot from the aliens, and tried to keep my voice low as I said in excitement, "Yes! Pilot, I think my translator microbes are back on-line!"

"Thank the Maker my calculations were correct then. I am in need of your immediate assistance." Pilot’s voice sounded a mixture of anxious and relieved.

"I know all about the invaders Pilot." I said, "I just don’t know..."

Pilot cut me off, "They are not a threat, Commander. I need you to stop D’Argo and Aeryn!"

"Wait...what?" I said. "You’re saying the aliens are friendly?"

"Yes! Please, I will explain later. Moya has tried to keep Aeryn and D’Argo from attacking them, but she has failed to restrain them from entering your tier. I need you to stop them from assaulting our guests!"

"They’re coming here? Now?" I asked, looking down the hall for any signs of my friends. "Are their translator microbes working?"

"No, the mutated virus will not run its course for at least another arn." Pilot paused, then continued more urgently, "They’re approaching your position! You must stop them!"

I stepped out into the hallway just in time to see D’Argo and Aeryn rounding the corner. D’Argo had his Qualta Blade, Aeryn that massive pulse cannon, and both were in full Bad Ass Warrior Mode.

"No no no no! Wait!" I held up my hands and stood blocking their path to the aliens. "Stop!!"

D’Argo growled as both of them stopped, looking around me to see the aliens. Aeryn griped at me, "Crichton, why must you always get in the way?!"

"When you can understand me you’d better apologize for that!" I snapped.

"Crichton!" D’Argo roared at me. He might have said more in different circumstances, but I think he figured I was still hard of hearing and wouldn’t understand more then him screaming my name.

"D’Argo, NO!" I waved my hands a negative at him, "Pilot says leave the aliens alone!"

The big Luxan looked ready to charge me anyway, but Aeryn was giving me a quizzical look. Finally she said "Crichton?"

Damn, I had to come up with a way for them to know I could understand them again. I cupped my hands over my ears, then released them with my arms spread wide and as big of a grin on my face as I could manage.

"Your translator microbes are working again?" Aeryn asked.

I nodded vigorously enough to dislodge my brain. Finally!

"Crichton, there is a group of aliens right behind you we need to attack!" Aeryn insisted.

"No!" I said, shaking my head.

"Don’t attack them?" Aeryn asked. I shook my head again!

"Crichton, get out of the way!" D’Argo exploded, once again charging for Big Red and the other Furbies behind me.

I backpedaled a few steps to stand almost directly in front of Big Red himself. The aliens were still humming and rubbing away as if nothing was going on. I held out my arms to shield the big furry thing and glared at D’Argo.

He stopped, glaring back at me and growling so viciously that I figured I might want to stop worrying about the aliens and start finding another crawl space to hide in for a few days. I looked at Aeryn, who had followed us, and shook my head at her.

"Crichton are you sure about this?" Aeryn asked, "How can you know these aliens are friendly"

"Pilot!" I said, hoping they might understand that one word as a name and not a title.

Aeryn slowly lowered her weapon, looking at D’Argo and shaking her head. D’Argo looked torn between following Aeryn’s lead and running over me to start killing Furbies. He caught my eye one more time and I once again shook my head and said "No."

Finally the big guy slowly lowered his Qualta Blade, and with a wary look said, "You’d better be correct about this, Crichton."

I smiled, then turned around to find Big Red had stopped rubbing against the walls and was standing looking down at me. For an absurd moment I found myself wondering if Hynerians were the only alien species out there *smaller* than humans. The alien then stepped forward and slowly moved its beak...mouth...uh...membrane covered trumpet bell towards my chest.

Aeryn and D’Argo moved up, not bringing their weapons up but holding them defensively. I spoke quietly into my com badge. "Uh, Pilot? What’s this guy doing?"

"He will not harm you, Commander," Pilot’s assured voice came back to me.

Before I could ask what Big Red *was* going to do, the alien placed that beak on my chest and then started humming.

You know how when you stand way too close to an amp playing really low notes you can feel your whole body vibrating along with it? Well that’s basically what happened with Big Red. It wasn’t unpleasant, just...strange...to have this gigantic Furby playing the bassline to some Beethoven symphony into my chest. I could actually feel all my internal organs vibrating sympathetically.

And for the few moments it took for Big Red to do that, I found myself hoping against hope that this was "Thank you" and not the alien version of a pick up line.

Big Red finally finished and pulled away, returning to his fellow Furbies and once again started rubbing Moya’s corridors.

"He says thank you, Commander." Pilot finally informed me.

"That was some thank you." I replied, a bit in awe.

"Moya and I thank you as well. If you had not stopped Aeryn and D’Argo, the consequences would have been disastrous." Pilot paused. "If you could bring them to the Command, the others are waiting there. I can explain everything at that time and it would keep you from interfering."

I turned to Aeryn and D’Argo, who were watching Big Red and his friends with mixtures of curiosity and apprehension. Tapping both on the shoulder I jerked my head towards Command and waved them to follow. After a few steps they did, and as I led them to Moya’s Bridge I spoke to our navigator once again, "Pilot, who are these creatures and why can’t I understand what they are saying now that my translator microbes are back on?"

"The species has no name that I know of." Pilot said, "Moya just calls them Old Friends. No one has ever been able to translate their language, so we can’t communicate enough to ask what they call themselves. Moya understands a little of their language, enough to tell me the leader said thank you to you, but that is all."

"But why..." I began, but was cut off by Pilot.

"Commander, while I appreciate the fact that you must have many questions, my calculations indicate that the Plague causing the translator microbes to fail will have run its course in everyone by the end of the arn. If you can wait until then, I would much rather explain this just once, rather then six times."

I couldn’t help but laugh. "Sure thing, Pilot. I’m just happy I can finally understand what you are saying!"

"I as well."

~6~

Up in Command sat Chiana, Rygel and Zhaan. Pip and Sparky looked bored and quite unhappy, I figured ‘cause they still couldn’t understand anyone.

I knew the feeling.

"Ah, John, you are here." Zhaan greeted us.

"You all better, Zhaan?" I asked.

Zhaan nodded, "Yes, I was awakened from my meditations by Pilot directing me to stop Rygel and Chiana from trying to harm our guests. I see you were successful in stopping Aeryn and D’Argo."

"Yeah, and it wasn’t easy." I grumbled a bit. "I thought D’Argo was going to go postal and make me hide for a few days again."

"You were always good at hiding, Crichton." Chiana said, a grin on her face. "I don’t think that would have been a problem." Well it sounded like someone told Chiana all about me playing hide and seek with a hyper-raging Luxian.

"Oh good you’re back!" I said, turning towards the young Nebari, "There’s something I’ve been waiting to ask you for arns now!"

"What?"

"How in the world did you do that thing with your voice?!" I asked.

Chiana smirked, "Nebari attract males through sound. Females can modify our voices to mesmerize males and get them to come to us. It usually only works on other Nebari since the translator microbes filter out those special frequencies that are in our language."

"So all that singing you were doing, you did it on purpose to get all the men on this ship drooling over you?!" I accused.

"How dare you, you impudent tralk!" Rygel spluttered from his corner, "As Dominar I could have you dismembered for attempting such a vile and sexual act!"

"Oh admit it Your Lowness, you loved it!" Chiana chuckled at the Hynerian.

"What did Rygel love?" D’Argo suddenly asked, glaring at Chiana.

"Rygel only loves himself," Aeryn scoffed.

"Oh good, sounds like the gang’s all here and all better!" I said. "May I be the first to say I’m frelling ecstatic to be able to understand y’all again!"

"As am I," Zhaan said. "While silence is enjoyable, forced silence can be upsetting."

"Now that this frelling virus has run its course, can someone please tell me what are those creatures all over the ship and what are they doing to Moya?" Aeryn demanded.

"I believe I can explain, Officer Sun," Pilot informed us as his image appeared on the view screen.

"Then please, fill us all in!" I said, turning towards Pilot and sitting down on the table.

"The aliens are Old Friends of Leviathans. I had thought they were legends, rumors only, but apparently it’s true." Pilot sighed, "I believe many of the old truths have turned to legend since Leviathans started to be captured by Peacekeepers. The story says that these Old Friends were some of the first creatures to travel aboard Leviathans, and in exchange for transport would come to aid any Leviathan in distress."

"But we weren’t in any danger when they appeared, were we?" Aeryn asked.

"Not danger, no." Pilot said, "But Moya has entered a rather uncomfortable phase of her pregnancy, and the Old Friends sensed that. They are currently easing some of the more uncomfortable places on Moya during this difficult time."

"Wait a second," I said, unable to keep from laughing, "Are you saying these guys are giving Moya the Leviathan version of a foot massage to a pregnant woman?"

Pilot gave me an odd look...probably wondering if his translator microbes were on the fritz again, then said "I believe you analogy is correct."

"Well as long as these beings appear to be willing to give us something for free, we should speak with them!" Rygel said, "Perhaps they would be willing to help US out during this uncomfortable time."

"Unfortunately no known species has ever been able to translate their language." Pilot said, "Moya has a basic understanding, but that is all. And they give no indication of being able to understand us."

"I believe it would be best to let these beings do what they can for Moya, and then let them leave with simply our thanks," Zhaan said.

"I’m with Zhaan." I said, "They may be friendly with Leviathans, but who knows how they really feel about us?" I grinned. "Anyway I’ve had enough of trying to talk to someone who I can’t understand."

"And you wonder why we sometimes don’t want to talk to you!" Chiana said with a smile.

Oh yeah, my crew never misses an opportunity to make fun of me. "Very funny Pip, very very funny."

~7~

The aliens stuck around for a few arns, a few actually making it up towards Command where we all watched them scrub the walls clean with their fur. Finally Moya apparently had enough, because they all just got back in their ship and left. Soon we were on our own way again.

I followed Aeryn to get something to eat. Running around saving the ship takes a lot out of you, and I was so starved by the time we sat down to get some food cubes they actually looked good!

"So how did it feel to be in my shoes for a few hours?" I asked Aeryn as we sat down.

She gave me a strange look, "Why would I want to use your footwear?"

"Well you’ve been borrowing other bits of my wardrobe." I grinned, glancing down at her pants and my Calvins I knew were under them. Before she could retort I went back to the question, "I ment how did it feel to not be able to understand anyone on the ship?"

Aeryn pondered her answer for a moment as she chewed on a food cube and said, "Frustrating. Didn’t you tell me that there are dozens of languages on your planet?"

"Yea, more then that probably."

"And you didn’t have translator microbes?"

"Nope."

"How the frell did you communicate with each other?" Aeryn demanded.

"Well..." I leaned across the table to catch her eye, "The same way you and I communicated when we couldn’t understand each other."

"Non-verbally?" Aeryn said, a bit of scorn in her voice.

"Mostly." I said, then really thought about what I was going to say next. Aw what the Hell... "Although there are quite a few nice things about that form of communication."

Aeryn picked up my meaning. She stopped eating for a moment to look at me, a bit surprised. Suddenly she got up from the table, circling around it towards me as she played with the remaining food cubes on her tray. She paused, her face unreadable, then placed the tray down in front of me and turned towards the door.

I looked down at the smiley face of food cubes on the try, and looked back up to see Aeryn gone.

I smiled, looking back down at the brown food cubes smiling back up at me. Perhaps I should change my one rule in life...never underestimate Aeryn Sun.

The End