Small Miracles

Author: Orchidcactus
Author's notes: I don't own any of the characters in this little fic. They already have official Keepers. The only profit I got out of this was seeing my beta-reader laugh. (Thank-you!) This little attempt at humor is set right after 'Eat Me'.
Spoilers: 'Eat Me' and 'My Three Crichtons'. Although, they're pretty weak.
Rating: This is a family fic. No stronger than PG

Rock. Scissors. Paper.

Rock. Scissors. Paper.

For more than an arn, they had been dueling. The rest of Moya's crew watched with growing exasperation.

"I have a solution," D'Argo muttered to Aeryn, stomping out of the room.

Rock. Scissors. Paper.

Rock. Scissors. Paper.

"Well, this is frelling annoying," Aeryn sighed, hoping D'Argo would come back soon.

"As if one Crichton wasn't bad enough," Rygel added as he dug absently in his ear.

Rock. Scissors. Paper.

Rock. Scissors. Paper.

Jool rolled her eyes, twirling her finger in her hair. Shifting foot to foot, she tilted her head and blew a huge pink bubble in the bendiflex she had been saving for just the right time.

Of course it then exploded, covering her face and sticking to her hair. Rygel burst into uncontrollable laughter, fell out of his thronesled, and began rolling about on the floor.

"Oh!" Chiana giggled helping Rygel up. "Laugh too much and your eema will fall off!" she warned between giggles.

Even Aeryn had to let a grin through the stony mask she had been wearing lately.

Jool let out one of her ear-piercing screams, and raced from the room, managed to smack into doorframe on the way out. Twice. Once each side.

"I've got some eephay shears, if ya need 'em for your hair!" Chiana shouted after her, still giggling.

"Hey!" two angry voices interrupted. "Do you mind? We," the two Johns gestured back and forth violently at each other, "are trying to figure out who gets to be me here! "

Rock. Scissors. Paper.

Rock. Scissors. Paper.

Aeryn's mind drifted off. Two of them… Contemplating the current situation, she was unaware that a small, rather pleasant, smile had crept over her face.

"You enjoying yourself?" Chiana whispered, not wanting to invoke another outbreak by the Johns. She smirked wickedly at Aeryn.

D'Argo stomped back into the room before Aeryn could strangle *all* of the air out of Chiana.He stopped for a microt to watch the two struggle, nodding his head in  appreciation of Chiana's hair-pull-eye-jab move. Then, catching a movement out of the corner of his eye remembered why he had come back.

Rock. Scissors. Paper.

Rock. Scissors. WHACK!!!

D'Argo smacked both hands, palm down, on each of the Johns' heads. Almost immediately clear liquid leaked down through their hair, trickling over their faces.

"What the frell, D'Argo!?" they both shouted jumping up.

"Now at least I can discern the difference! Those are scented oils from Zhaan's supply. We'll be able to *smell* you apart," he laughed hugely at this last bit.

Just then, a strong, not-so-pleasant odor filled the room.

"D'Argo, you idiot! One of those vials contained Pewful Beast gland extract! When Moya was burned it got hot. When it gets hot it….oh I think I'm going to be sick!" Rygel moaned.

D'Argo frowned. "At least we have something to call you now," he grumped. "You," he pointed at the not-so-pleasant smelling John, "are now SmellyJohn. And you…" he looked at the other John, sniffing the air with a puzzled look, "have no odor. The vial had no scent." He looked at Aeryn for help.

"I don't know," she snapped. "He's just….John."

"JustJohn!" Chiana cheered.

SmellyJohn and JustJohn stood up in disgust. "I need a shower!" they exclaimed marching towards the door. Stopping suddenly, they turned back to the others. "No! Not together! Perverts!" they looked disgusted as they left to a chorus of laughter.

"Wait!" Rygel moaned faintly from his corner, the Pewful Beast Gland Extract still making him ill. "If it had no odor it could be Hynerian Ich Oil. When exposed to water it causes intense itching!" he tried to yell, but the others couldn't hear his weak voice over their own hilarity.

(later (about as long as it takes to take a shower (plus the time it takes for an irate Human to dismantle his quarters (because Pewful Beast Gland Extract does *not* wash off))) in Command)

"Officer Sun! Aeryn!" Pilot shouted. "Moya demands to know how long that awful scent will linger. It is apparently having an adverse affect on her internal monitoring systems."

D'Argo and Aeryn looked at each other, shrugging simultaneously.

"Sorry, Pilot, it seems that Pewful Beast Gland Extract cannot be washed off. I takes several solar days for it to wear off," D'Argo said.

"Frell! Frell! Frell!" JustJohn jittered into Command, scratching madly where the Hynerian Ich Oil had washed from his head down his neck.

He glared at D'Argo. "You (scratch, scratch) did (dig, dig) this (scritch, scritch) to me!!"

Aeryn took pity on him. "Come on, JustJohn. Maybe we can find something in Zhaan's room to help your head and shoulders."

Before they could leave, though a not-so-pleasant odor filled Command. SmellyJohn walked in, holding a rebreather mask to his face. He stopped and watched JustJohn twitching and itching, then started to smile.

JustJohn grimaced at the smell, but then broke into the same smile.

"Scratch-n-Sniff!" they laughed.

"Come on," Aeryn grabbed JustJohn by the arm and dragged him out the door.

"Farbot," D'Argo sighed, wrinkling his nose at the increasing odor in the enclosed space. "Uh…SmellyJohn? I think I'd better go check on the….uh…Rygel! I'd better go make sure he's not died from…uh…your smell." He backed out the door.

SmellyJohn just glared after him. Plopping down on a stool, closed his eyes with a sigh.

"Well, Jhaun. Id woulb seemb you hab a prollem," Harvey plopped down next to him, a large clothespin over his nose.

SmellyJohn yanked the clothespin off. "Can it, Harvey! I could use some help here!First: I. Really. Stink. Second: There are still two of me!"

Harvey rubbed his nose. "I can't help with the 'two of me' sniveling, that's *your* fault," he looked a little hurt, "and after that little bit of violence, I wonder if I should help you. Unfortunately though, you *do* stink. And even I can smell it," he grabbed the clothespin back.

"Think, Smelly. When you were a child and that little Terrier of yours got the wrong end of a skunk, what did Dear Old Dad do?" he let the clothespin go onto SmellyJohn's nose with a *snap*.

"Yeow! Tomato juice!" SmellyJohn yelped out.

"Farbot," Harvey shook his head, watching as the human ran from the room.

(later (about as long as it takes to get from Command to Zhaan's quarters (plus the time it takes to find something to counteract Hynerian Ich Oil))

"I think this one's got it Aeryn!" JustJohn exclaimed. "Or at least it's helping some." He rubbed the oil into his hair, then over the back of his neck.

"Dren," he muttered.

"What's wrong, JustJohn?" Aeryn had turned her back to him and was examining another vial.

"Oh, just a spot on my back I can't seem to reach. Sorry…um, but would you mind?"

Aeryn sighed, farbot human couldn't manage to do *anything* himself. She turned around, stopping dead still when she saw he had taken his shirt off. Grateful he was looking the other way, and didn't see her slack-jawed amazement, she took the oil from him.

JustJohn froze at the light touch of her hand on his back. Whoa! Now *that* was amazing, he thought. He hadn't even meant for this to happen. He really *couldn't* reach that one spot. Whoa! Well…why let something like this go to waste?

"Say," he said in an extremely casual voice, "what *were* you thinking earlier?"

Aeryn's hands stopped.

Oh, frell, JustJohn thought. She's going to beat the dren out of me. After a few microts of silence, he worked up the courage to look at her.

Aeryn Sun was smiling; a small, rather pleasant smile.

(later... about as much time as…(hey! This is a *family* fic) on Command)

At Pilot's summons Moya's crew had come at a run to Command. Minus Rygel who was still sick, and Jool, who still had bendiflex in her hair.

"It's the Sphere!" yelled Pilot.

"Um, Pilot, we're here, you can stop yelling now," Chiana said wrinkling her nose as SmellyJohn stopped beside her.

"This had better be good, Pilot," he said. He was holding an odd container in one hand. If the others could have read Earth English they would have been able to see parts of the words 'Cam…Toma…Sou' between his fingers.

On the display, approaching at a high rate of speed, was the Sphere that had produced the Primitive Crichton and Baldy Crichton.

It shot into Command before any of them could move. Pausing for a microt, it hovered above SmellyJohn and then enveloped him. JustJohn tried to turn and run, but before he made it two steps the Sphere had him.

The others stood breathless (and not just because SmellyJohn had just been there) waiting for the worst.

Suddenly, John fell out, followed by the container of 'Cam…Toma…Sou'. Just as swiftly as it had come, the Sphere left. Without any explanation.

"Whoa!" John looked down at himself in awe. "I'm *me*."He sniffed, choking a bit at the still strong scent. Then he realized the itching had returned, too.

"Oh, what in Hezmana's name is that odor?" Stark had finally arrived. He glanced at the container of 'Cam…Toma…Sou' on the floor. "What is that?"

"Don't question small miracles, Stark," John said, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Miss Sun," John picked up the container and began tossing it up in the air and catching it.

"Yes?" Aeryn watched the rise and fall of the container warily.

"JustJohn wants to know if you can help Smelly out here?" He grabbed the can out of the air and pulled Aeryn close to him.

"How about a happy ending for once?" he asked, as they walked out together.

The End