MiniFarscape: The Peacekeeper Wars

Crichton, "For the 89th time. Once upon a time there was a boy named John..."  (Previously on Farscape as told by John Crichton)

Rygel, "I sifted the bottom sand with my bare hands! Look at my nails!"

Crichton, "You said yes!"
Aeryn, "I did?"
Crichton, "Sixty days, any regrets?"
Aeryn, "No, it's going really well!"
Crichton, "Hey, we're gonna get married!"
Chiana and D'Argo, "Congratulations!"

Crichton, "You look great."
Aeryn, "You owe me."
Crichton, "I know."
Idelon, "Is there a particular invocation you would like me to use?"
Crichton, "Yea! Uh...dearly beloved..."
Idelon, "Dearly beloved..."
Crichton, "We are gathered here..."
Idelon, "We are gathered here..."
Crichton, "Beneath this magnificent..."
Aeryn, "Command Carrier."

Crichton, "Harvey?!"
Harvey, "I would prefer to be called Albert."
Crichton, "No, invisible sidekicks that only I talk to get called Harvey. How the hell did Scorpius find me?"
Harvey, "Scorpius is like God! He does not play dice with the universe."

Crichton, "Is it just me, or is he getting bigger?"
Aeryn, "It's a geometric pregnancy."
Crichton, "Please tell me that means we're going to have a mathematician."
Aeryn, "Soldier more likely. But we will be having it sooner then you think."
Crichton, "How sooner?"
Aeryn, "Well, with genetic modifications put into someone born into a battle unit like myself, essentially we're going to be parents in a matter of...solar days."
Crichton, "Days... (he coughs)...we...we don't have a name."
Aeryn, "Already picked one."
Crichton, "What?"
Aeryn says something in Sebeation that sounds like she hiccupped backwards.
Crichton, "Excuse me?"
Aeryn, "Do you not like it?"
Crichton, "Well...boy or girl?"
Aeryn, "Either, it works for both."
Crichton, "You just made a joke."
Aeryn, "Soldiers don't have a sense of humor, John."
Crichton, "You better have my dinner ready when I get back on that ship, now!"

Crichton, "I'm just the guy without a brain!  The lion here would like some courage. Tin Man, he needs a heart. Toto here just wants an easy birth. And Dorothy here, she is just looking for a way home. Now, we're not going to be here tomorrow, so I suggest you take a long hard look at our broomstick. He is your heir!"

Rygel, "Carry their baby, marry them off...what next? Let them move in?  What?!"
Crichton, "You know what? Forget about it...this is all wrong!"
Aeryn, "Stop! You are ruining my wedding."
Crichton, "Honey?"
Aeryn, "What?!"
Crichton, "You are pointing a gun at the baby."
Rygel, (clears his throat), "I've traveled with the two of you for quite a while now, knowing you since you first met. Over the cycles there were times where it looked like you were going to kill each other. Other times we couldn't have gotten you off each other with a Chelsick fire hose! Sounds like a marriage to me.  So... (clears throat) upon my pronouncement, may these two be joined as one, and evermore let nothing come...oh!"

D'Argo, "You never struck me as the type who would want children.  You either, huh?"
(shooting)
Aeryn, "He wants it so badly. So I do."
D'Argo, "You'll come around when you see the little guy in person."
Aeryn, "I hope so."

D'Argo, "I'll be able to stop 'em cold with three perfect shots!"
Chiana, "Why three? You usually slay me with just one."

Einstein, "Time..."
Crichton, "...flies."
Einstein, "Time..."
Crichton, "...bandits."
Einstein, "Time..."
Crichton, "...wounds all heals."
Einstein, "Time..."
Crichton, "Rosemary and..."
Einstein, "Time..."
Crichton, "Time ends."

Harvey, "Harvey And John's Construction And Engineering!"
Crichton, "John And Harvey."
Harvey, "I can make us a new sign."

Pilot, "Are you capable of using this?"
Crichton, "Yes."
Pilot, sighs, "Then I don't know you as I thought."

Chiana, "Hey D'Argo? You know how I...I change my mind about things sometimes? And I get so excited and I...I say I'm going to do and I really...frelling mean it, and then I change my mind completely?"
D'Argo, "Yes."
Chiana, "Hyneria.  I'm going to do it. With you.  You know why?"
D'Argo, "Because you like Hynerians?"
Chiana, "Not so much. But I like you."

DRD schuttles by
Aeryn, "Oh! Can you hear that? That's just the sound of a DRD. (Moya groans) And that's the sound of our ship Moya under pressure. And this is the sound of an AKR Maximum Load Ammo Pack being chambered into a full grade full range Pulse Pistol."

Rygel, "I would like you to name the baby Rygel."
Aeryn, "Maybe, if it's a girl."

Braca, "You're the reinforcements?"
Crichton, "No, we're the band. It looks like KISS was your opening act."
D'Argo, "Frell. Wrong band."

Crichton, "Is there anything I can do to help?"
Aeryn, "Oh I think you've done enough already. If this was a Sebeation child, a pure one, it would have been born long ago. So how long is this going to take?"
Crichton, "On Earth it can last days."
Aeryn, "I have killed men for less."

Aeryn, "Everything he does causes more pain!"
Crichton, "This woman could chew her own arm off, what is going on? (Diagonition begins to speak) Oh no no no no...no hable Diagontion-Ingles!"

Chiana, "I can't birth a narl! I don't want a narl! I hate narls! I'm still a narl myself!"

Aeryn, "I need you to reload my weapon!"
Chiana, "If she keeps firing that past my head, I quit!"
Aeryn, "Fine!"
Chiana, "Listen, if she doesn't stay still I can't do this!"
Aeryn, "If I don't fire, we're dead!"
Crichton, "Sweetheart, for once let me cover you. Pip, can you do this?"
Chiana, "Yes. Maybe! If she stays still!"
Aeryn, "Shooting makes me feel better!"
Crichton, "Honey!"

Chiana, "I've untangled the baby. You're gonna get her in the fountain. She pushes, you pull, I'm done."
Aeryn, "You're fired!"

Aeryn, "I want you to marry us!"
Crichton and Stark, "What?!"
Aeryn, "Now!"
Crichton, "No, Aeryn, we can go to Vegas tomorrow..."
Aeryn, screaming, "NOW!!"
Crichton, "Marry us!"

Stark, "Racouga, latooga, latina!"
D'Argo, "Idiot! That's a Sheyanng prayer for the dead!"
Aeryn slaps Stark
Stark, "Oh...sinclearlu kasnishnie kasnina!"
Chiana, "Delvian puberty right!"
Aeryn slaps Stark again
Stark, "OK! Ok...do you two love each other?"
Aeryn and Crichton, "YES!"
Stark, "Enough to be married forever?"
Aeryn and Crichton, "YES!"
Stark, "Then you are! Congratulations!"

Aeryn, "It's a boy...in case you were wondering."

D'Argo's final scene with Chiana and Crichton. Get your kleenix!

Crichton, "You wana see it? The thing you've been chasing my ass all over the universe for? Torturing me, my wife, my friends for? The wormhole weapon. You wana see it?"
Scorpius, "Yes."
Crichton, "Beg."
Scorpius, "I beg you."
Crichton, "It's not good enough. Say please."
Scorpius, "Please."
Crichton, "Pretty please."
Scorpius, "Pretty please."
Crichton, "With a cherry on top."
Scorpius, "With a cherry on top."
Crichton, "Happy birthday. Now get out of my sight."

Crichton, "Wormhole weapons do not make peace. Wormhole weapons don't even make worm. They make total destruction...annihilation...armageddon.  People make peace."

Scorpius, "This is insane, Crichton."
Crichton, "God! Four years on and you're finally getting that?!"

Stark, "May the spirit of peace descend on Starleek.  May the spirit of peace descend on Starleek."
Chiana, "Save some for me. I don't know any."

Rygel, "If it is the largest black hole then it's a death worthy of a Dominar!"

Stark, "Whenever we cross paths I leave the encounter...transformed. And no more so then on this occasion. Thanks to you I have found my own internal peace. Remember me, John. (he takes off his mask and leaves it with John) Till we meet again."

Harvey, "I toyed with Slim Pickens on the bomb...YEEE HAWW! (he coughs) But this felt far more appropriate to the moment, don't you think? Now that Einstein has removed all the wormhole weapon knowledge, my purpose is fulfilled. We've done everything we can do together, John. Somehow you'll have to make all your future decisions on your own. My eradication program has begun to remove all visages of me. Soon I'll be nothing but a pleasant remembrance of the good old days. Goodbye John, thanks for your memories."

Aeryn, "Your father and I want you to have a name that means courage, and strength. So we have chosen D'Argo Sun Crichton."
Crichton, "Little D, we don't know what life has in store for you. But whatever it is, you'll figure something out."
Aeryn, "But you will never walk alone."
Crichton, "And, God willing, you'll never know war."